Everyone sees themselves as strangers in old photos — strangers in really terrible outfits. What the hell were you thinking? Good thing you've got it all sorted out now. (Or at least, until five years from now.)
Age 2: You don't need your mother's help anymore. You're big now. You're ready to dress yourself. Today is your Independence Day! You meant to put your shirt on backwards!
Age 3: Halloween was the greatest day of your life. You want to feel like that every day. They can't get that costume off you if you lay down on the floor and start kicking and screaming
Age 5: You love your sparkly _______. It goes with everything. It even matches that fluffy little gremlin on the end of your pencil. You're look is not complete without it.
Age 8: You met a horse (pig, kitten, whatever). You're in love. Horses on everything. And Unicorns! They're horses, but even more magical. You wish Lisa Frank made clothes.
Age 9: Some fifth grader tells you what you're wearing is for babies. You take it off in shame. You go home and realise you have nothing to wear.
Age 10: You show up at a sleepover with a fleece onesie, but everyone else is in tee shirts and shorts. When did this happen? Why weren't you told!?!? It's time to fake a stomach ache until you can get some sleep separates.
Age 13: You're in middle school now. Picture day is no joke anymore. You need a whole new look. These pictures matter. Like a lot.
Age 14: That rich girl in your class has the coolest ________. You hate her. She's mean. You have to have one! Everything else is ******! Two other people get it. Oh god, now you're the only one NOT wearing it. Maybe you can convince your mum to buy it for you as a joint birthday/Christmas gift. You'll never ask for anything else ever again.
Age 15: The new shopping centre has an Abercrombie. What other stores do you need? You start carrying stuff around school in the shopping bags with the hot naked boys all over them until your head calls it pornography and threatens to send you home.
Age 16: Your first real, serious, legit prom. You tell your boyfriend the color of your dress so he can coordinate his vest and shirt to match, but he's not sure what mauve looks like. He shows up in orange with a red rose corsage. The night is ruined!
Age 17: Senior Prom: No mistakes this time. You show your boyfriend pictures of your dress and make him run all outfit decisions by you first. You're sharing a limo with a bunch of your friends, but prom dressing is a competition and you intend to win!
Age 18: You get to college. These guys are hot! Every night is a new opportunity to go out and hook up. It's freezing outside but your sexiest top has spaghetti straps and really only looks good with a mini skirt. You drink more so you won't feel the cold. Cant remember the rest....
Age 19: You realise you can wear sweatpants to class. You're never putting on real clothes again. Shoes are starting to feel optional as well.
Age 22: You've graduated from college and it's time to look for a job. Damn! You have nothing to wear on an interview! You go to Primani.
Age 24: You're making your own money now. You work hard. You decide it's time to buy a really nice bag. It's an investment. You'll have it forever. You want Chanel. The black one is too expensive, but the taupe one is doable. Sure, you'll be scavenging raven in the break room at work and living without SKY for a few (8) months, but it's worth it.
Age 24 1/4: This bag is too damn small! It always looks like it's about to pop, but the next size up was like an additional £1500. What the .....? Is that a pen mark? Is that a *&%! pen mark on your Chanel bag!?!?!?!?!? Blackout.
Age 25: Your friends are starting to get married. You have so many cute dresses you never get to wear anymore and now they want you to buy some hideous bridesmaids dress you'll only wear once? Well, it is (named). It's not so bad. You could wear that again. (You never do.)
Age 26: Flash sales are taking over your life. Those deep discounts on Gilt are too good to pass up. Something new comes in the post every day. You have so much stuff you forget what's there. More a than a few things go unworn. Ever. Your credit card bill comes and you can't bring yourself to open it. It just sits on the table and stares at you.
Age 29: You thought you'd be making more money by now. Clothes are too expensive. If you can't wear it to work you're not buying it. Period.
......they say life begins at 40! ROLL ON!!
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